If you’re trying to keep a marriage or relationship afloat and you’re not willing to give up the ghost on it then maybe you need to create your own relationship rescue.  There are books by the dozen about it and advice from friends and counsellors seems to be handed out like the Easter Bunny chucking around chocolate eggs.  And while there are marriage therapists who are a definite benefit to go and see for counselling the sad truth is that most of them will end up saying the same thing and you’ll be given advice that is inappropriate for you to take action on.

In all honesty, one of the absolute best things that you can do when you’re trying to conduct a relationship rescue is to start with the aim of being honest and accepting one another for who you are.  Doing both of these might seem difficult if you’re going to delude yourself to the fact that many of the responsibilities for the fact that your relationship are shared and do, in fact rest with both of you and not just them.  You really do need to be honest and own up to your own imperfections and realistically accept that there may be some truth and even validation about your partner’s complaints about you.  If you want your partner to make some changes in order to save the relationship then you need to be honest enough, and even brave enough, to admit that you’re going to have to make some changes as well.  It’s kind of dishonest to expect them to be open-minded about it and to be too afraid to do the same.

The truth about love is that true love requires compromise.  Not just once, but many times throughout the course of the relationship.  The Buddhists use the comparison of the mighty oak and the willow.  The oak won’t bend and is broken by the wind.  The willow bends in the breeze and continues to thrive.  A relationship is the wind.  Sometimes you need to bend and give up some things, like maybe not going to the football as often as you want to visit her sister, or missing the art show because of his work function.  You know what I mean.  Both of you need to take a good and unbiased look at yourselves and see what you need to give up and work on to be more compatible.  Sometimes giving something up is actually good for you too, like cigarettes or booze.

Now believe it or not the biggest factor in any relationship rescue is a change in perspective.  In fact, if we’re entirely honest, there is no reality, there is only perception.  Something might happen that seems like it may be the worst thing in the world to happen, only for you to find that after you change your perspective that it’s actually not all that bad, and may even be excellent.  The truth is that people have a way of investing so much negative emotion into things and then blowing those things way out of proportion.  This can be especially true in relationships.  In fact, quite a bit of marriage counselling seems to be in dealing with this particular piece of relationship management.  You need to look closely at events from different angles.  As an example, you spouse might seem like they work too much, but could it be worse?  Yes it could.  They might be working 20 hour days instead of 12, or they could be unemployed, or worse, a derelict.  Also, ask yourself why things get done in a certain way, and if you can’t figure it out, then ask your partner.  It’s a better alternative than jumping to conclusions.

The next thing to do is to talk things through, then when the issue is settled, drop it and move on.  Many of the problems in relationships that are seen now are simply because one or both people in a relationship just won’t let go of a grudge.  Get clear so you can avoid allowing that to happen.  If there was something that happened in the past and the two of you dealt with it then, then you need to let it go and move on.  When you do have discussions or arguments, leave the past where it is and focus on dealing with the present.  In other words, don’t fight a battle more than once and don’t fight more than one at a time.

So if you’re truly willing to create your own relationship rescue then these ideas will help you and the one you love breathe new life into that relationship.
7/13/2012 08:13:43

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    G'day everyone.  I'm an Aussie Life Coach, Clinical Hypnotist (www.americanallianceofhypnotists.org)  and author with a passion for making every relationship in our lives the best it can be.   I work at local, state, national and international levels.  I am also a Callahan Techniques Thought Field Therapy practitioner trained by Eugene Piccinotti TFT - dx, and I studied Neuro Linguistic Programming Master Practitioner Level (MNLP) under Steve G Jones at the American University of Neuro-Linguistic Programming
    (http://www.aunlp.org).  In other words, as a coach, I'll use whatever I have to use to help you to make the changes you want to make.