I often get asked about being a relationship coach, to which my reply is always that I'm not actually a relationship coach.  Instead I'm a Life Coach who has an interest in relationships and just how important they are in our lives.

This is something that's been playing on my mind for about a week now after I was asked about my fees and what to do to save someone's marriage.  My response was the same as it is above.  I'm not a specialist relationships coach.  Never was, never will be.

Then it hit me in the head just in the last few hours like the great Matthew Hayden had just swung his cricket bat and connected with the back of my head.

Of course I'm a relationship coach.  I always have been and I always will be.

The thing is, I don't specialize in your marriage, or the state of it.

I specialize in one very imortant relationship, the most important relationship that you'll ever have, as a matter of fact.  I speicalize in the relationship that you have with yourself.  Every other relationship you have in your life, the state of every relationship you have in your life, is a by-product of that one relationship.  That includes your marriage and the state of it.

If you don't believe me, that's fine.  Keep on going the way you're going.  Keep on doing the same things that you're doing now and keep on doing them into the future.  The one thing I can absolutely guarantee with that is that you'll keep on getting exactly the same results. 

Einstein said, "The definition of insanity is to keep on doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."

Even though Einstein was one of the greatest of the pre-eminent thinkers of the 20th Century, and that this is one of my all-time favourite Einstein quotes, it's about time to disagree with it and drop the sugar coating.  Doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results is not the definition of insanity. 

It's the definition of stupidity.

And if you're sitting there reading this, shaking your head in disagreement, that's okay.  Feel free to disagree.  I can't force you to be right.

But in everything you've done that you've considered to be a failure, what have you learned to do differently, other than give up?  Why do you keep on doing the same thing and getting the same results?  Why is your relationship with everything around you suffering?

It's time to take some responsibility for it because in every situation, the common denominator is you.

Understand me here.  I'm not laying the blame on you.  I'm not saying it's all your fault.  I'm saying you're big enough and smart enough to figure out what has been going wrong all this time and to be grown up enough to take responsibility for it.

Taking responsibility is not that difficult.  The first thing to do, and possibly the scariest for most people is to have a good look in the mirror and ask yourself how you honestly feel about the person looking back at you.

If it's not great, that's when you realize that you're going to have to take responsibility for that.  You do that by ackowledging that there are things about you that you can change.  You can change the relationship that you have with yourself.  When you change that in a positive way, it impacts positively on all the other relationships in your life.

And because you've then started to do things differently, you'll start experiencing different results.

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    G'day everyone.  I'm an Aussie Life Coach, Clinical Hypnotist (www.americanallianceofhypnotists.org)  and author with a passion for making every relationship in our lives the best it can be.   I work at local, state, national and international levels.  I am also a Callahan Techniques Thought Field Therapy practitioner trained by Eugene Piccinotti TFT - dx, and I studied Neuro Linguistic Programming Master Practitioner Level (MNLP) under Steve G Jones at the American University of Neuro-Linguistic Programming
    (http://www.aunlp.org).  In other words, as a coach, I'll use whatever I have to use to help you to make the changes you want to make.