Everybody does it but not everybody likes it.  I’m talking about dating.  Whether you enjoy dating or whether you’d rather get a root canal without the optional anaesthetic, you know that if you’re going to stand any chance of meeting the one person who can put an end to your dating life forever, you’ve just got to do it.  Boys, the fact is that you have to date girls to find the on who’s right for you.  Successful dating can be broken down into to five most important things that you have to remember about dating girls.  So read on because this advice is for you.

Rule number one is very simple.  Girls are not guys.  For the most part, they don’t think it’s funny to stick their hands under their armpits and act like a psychotic canary.  Even when they’re blind drunk, they don’t do it.  Save it for the guys’ night out.  And if you and your buddies still think it’s funny, then you probably shouldn’t be allowed to vote.

Rule number two is just as simple.  Girls are not guys.  Shut up.  They don’t think it’s cool when you brag about all the other chicks you’ve been with.  She doesn’t want to know about the airhead who thought to look into the night sky when you pointed to a dead bird on the footpath even if she did have the most amazing rack ever created by God or man.  Nor does she think it’s awesome when every girl in the place walks up to you and says “Hi.”  When you take her out on a date, take her to a different place and never, never, never mention your exgirlfriend.  Ever.  Did I mention, never mention your exgirlfriend?

Rule number three.  You’re going to love this one.  Girls are not guys.  If you think that a perfect night in means turning up in ratty old jeans and your sweatiest t-shirt with a $5 frozen pizza in your hand, then I’ve got a great piece of swamp you might want to buy.  I’m probably the second dumbest guy I know when it comes to women, but even I know not to do this one.  Heck, even the dumbest guy I know wouldn’t do it.  Please trust me on this one.  Maybe later on down the track, like when the youngest of your five kids has just turned 37,  she might consider that it’s okay for you to do it if either of you consider that your romance is really comfortable enough for you to get away with it.  But for now, just go and take a shower, put on a nice pair of pants and a decent shirt, and get her some flowers or a nice box of chocolates.

Rule number four.  Girls are not guys.  Are you starting to sense a pattern here?  Okay, so you’re at the restaurant, you’ve just had a beautiful dinner and you’re at the counter about to pay when you pull out a buy-one-get-one-free coupon.  She aint gonna love that one.  I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with a bit of bargain hunting, especially at times when the economy is a bit slow.  But use the coupons when you’re out with your parents (who’ll be proud of how well they’ve taught you to save a dollar) or your best friend (who doesn’t give a rat’s hind end how you pay for dinner).  Using a coupon tells your date more about you than it does about her and you won’t like what it tells her.  It tells her you’re cheap and you don’t value her enough to pay the full price for feeding her.

Rule number five.  You’ve got it.  Girls are not guys.  While it is absolutely hilarious to have a burping or farting contest when you’re with the guys, I will guarantee you that she doesn’t find it to be even remotely or vaguely interesting, let alone entertaining.  According to the female half of the population, coming up with the most silent but deadly is not a point of pride.  I know.  I live with that disappointment.  And it’s not cool to burp Stairway to Heaven or to fart Beethoven’s Fifth (experience again).  Again, save it for the football night down at the sports bar with your buddies.

If you remember these five important rules about dating girls then it’s going to help you get farther than pretty much anything else when it comes to having a good time on your dates.  The other good thing is that if you really like her, these five most important things, and it does help to think of them as rules, will actually help you to get more than one date with her.  There are lots of people out there who will give you all sorts advice, most of it simply “Just be yourself.”

This isn’t the worst advice you could get… unless you’re behaving like the immature boy listed in any the behaviours above.  In that case, I’d take “Just be yourself” to mean “By that I mean be someone else entirely.”  You’ve got to be the best version of you.  Be a better you.  If you remember the five most important things about dating girls (and like I said, treat them as rules) then you are going to have a so much better dating life.  Good luck.

10/13/2011 08:19:05

Quite entertaining, but I hope the guys were taking notice at the same time!

9/10/2012 13:35:29

I really congratulate the writer for creating such an impressive blog. Thank you for your valuable discussion on this great topic.


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    G'day everyone.  I'm an Aussie Life Coach, Clinical Hypnotist (www.americanallianceofhypnotists.org)  and author with a passion for making every relationship in our lives the best it can be.   I work at local, state, national and international levels.  I am also a Callahan Techniques Thought Field Therapy practitioner trained by Eugene Piccinotti TFT - dx, and I studied Neuro Linguistic Programming Master Practitioner Level (MNLP) under Steve G Jones at the American University of Neuro-Linguistic Programming
    (http://www.aunlp.org).  In other words, as a coach, I'll use whatever I have to use to help you to make the changes you want to make.