Well, after having some time off for the "Silly Season" I'm looking forward to an awesome year ahead.  There are small changes coming to HealthyWealthy relationships coming in the near future, as well as some pretty major changes.  That includes, as of the start of next month, I'll be offering a coaching service at the local, national and international levels.  Tools available for use in facillitating change will include Thought Field Therapy, Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Clinical Hypnotherapy.  So keep a look out for that.  I'll keep you posted.

Now to the subject at hand, or to more accurately address today's title.  Many people have, being the time of the year that it is, made New Year Resolutions.  I personally don't, but many of you have and, if you have, great.  Some of you, as is often the case, may even be at the point where the resolution is becoming a struggle (that's why I don't make them).  If you stay focused on the goal it will help, and remember to break it down into manageable steps too.

The big problem for some people though, and this is in general for goal setting, not just making a New Year Resolution, is that when you choose your goal, and tell the people that you care about, some idiot always has an opinion about it and a plethora of crap to dump on you.  You even know the type, because we've all got at least one of them in our lives.  Hell, some of us are surrounded by them.  If that's the case, then I'm telling you not to bother circling the wagons.  It's time to get the hell out of there paleface.

But back to the doomsayer.  As I said, you know the type.  Stuck in a dead end job that a trained monkey can do (if you've been to a circus that still works with animals you'll have seen it) and convinced of its total vitality to the national economy, usually overweight (but it's not their fault, it's their job's fault, or a hormone problem etc), may have a degree but they no longer work in the field that the degree is relevant to, everything is beneath them, not in a relationship and unable to maintain a healthy one, self-important almost to the point of being sociopathic, tell you that they make all their decisions based on logic and reason (something which nobody in human history has ever done, by the way.  If you want proof, just ask a psychologist or a marketing expert), has tried everything once and nothing ever works, anything that differs even slightly from their view is treated with either disdain or contempt because it must therefore be wrong and outside of normal social and scientific parametres...

Do I really need to go on?

Actually go back and re-read that paragraph about your detractor/s.  It's okay.  Go on.  I'll wait.

Okay, what did you notice about your detractor/s?

A complete and total lack of personal responsibility.  Alright then, that might be a little harsh.  After all, they might take enough responsibility to set their alarm to get to their dead end job on time, but that's about it.  They've got themselves so insulated from involvement in the world around them out of fear of being hurt (that is why they are so cynical) that anything different is therefore bad.

And that's my point.  It's not about you.  Every time they put you down, or put down what you're doing, it's because their afraid of losing you to success, or wish they had the guts to do what you're doing.  Every time somebody criticizes you, they are actually using you as a mirror.  They're criticizing something about themselves that they don't like.  Now, this can either be a (negative) quality that you actually have or one that they merely perceive you having.  It doesn't matter, because either way, it's reflecting the same thing back at them that they have in themselves and they don't like it.  So in order for them to feel superior they need to attack you.

Or let's say they're criticizing your goal or what you're doing.  Again, it's all about them.  In fact, let's narrow this down and get a bit more specific.  It comes down to them not having the courage to stand up and make the changes they need to make, and again, their fear of losing you to your success.  But this is where I want to get specific.  You see, it's actually not about any lack on their part.  It's about the lack they perceive in themselves.  They're the ones who perceive themselves as lacking the guts to do it.  You never told them they were a coward, did you?

So what they're doing when they criticize you, is actually declaring to the world what their own weak points are.  What you do then is to silently thank them for pointing out that chinks in their armour and realizing your own strength of character.  What they're doing is saying to you, "Your strength and determination scare me so here is the weak point in my armour.  Please don't exploit that weakness and hurt me."

Now it's up to you what you do.  I'm not going to advocate attacking them or removing them totally from your life, though is some cases removing them from your life will be the best option.  What I will advocate is doing what one of my success idols, Robert Kiyosaki recommends.  Surrounding yourself with likeminded individuals.  And it's never been easier to do it than it is today. 

Another useful strategy is just ignore them.  It works individually or in a group.  Keep doing it long enough and they'll usually get the hint that you can't be baited.  If that doesn't work (and yes, there are some persistantly and terminally stupid naysayers out there that do need to be spoken to) just pull them aside and tell them privately that if they don't have anything constructive to add, it would be best if they shut up or face the possibility of your association with them ending.

That's it from me today.  Here endeth the sermon.
10/23/2013 13:25:45

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    G'day everyone.  I'm an Aussie Life Coach, Clinical Hypnotist (www.americanallianceofhypnotists.org)  and author with a passion for making every relationship in our lives the best it can be.   I work at local, state, national and international levels.  I am also a Callahan Techniques Thought Field Therapy practitioner trained by Eugene Piccinotti TFT - dx, and I studied Neuro Linguistic Programming Master Practitioner Level (MNLP) under Steve G Jones at the American University of Neuro-Linguistic Programming
    (http://www.aunlp.org).  In other words, as a coach, I'll use whatever I have to use to help you to make the changes you want to make.