What can you do to win your love back?  That’s always a good question.  It’s an understatement, but getting your ex to fall back in love with you all over again can be somewhat of a challenge?  The reason for that is because the truth is that there really are reasons why he or she called an end to you relationship.  The good news is that if you can figure out what those reasons are, you’ve just improved your odds of winning your love back.

If the fact is that you need to win your ex’s love back because they could no longer trust you anymore, then you are going to have to proceed slowly.  If this is a result of your going out and fooling around, then you are going to have to prove your loyalty.  And you’re not going to have to prove it just once, twice, or three or four times either.  You’re going to have to prove you can be loyal, over and over, until.  Until what?  Until when?  Until your ex can trust you and believes that you can be loyal again.  Until you’ve proved it.

If this is the case, the first thing you need to do though is to be absolutely certain that you do want your ex back.  You really do need to ask yourself one question.  What is going to keep you from straying again in the future?  Be honest.  Is it possible that the reason you cheated is because you were no longer 100% committed to your ex or the relationship?  If this is the case, are you really sure that you want this relationship with your ex to go forward?  Why are the questions so hard?  This affects more than just you so it’s not the time to be selfish.  Be honest.  At least that way you might be able to regain any self-respect you’ve lost.

If you are sure that this is the right relationship for you, then you need to say you’re sorry.  The one thing about this apology that you need to understand is that it’s not going to get you very far.  In fact, you’ll probably feel like you’ve hit a brick wall.  But stay focused because this is a necessary first step, regardless of how useless it seems in moving forward, or even how much it hurts you.  Then you’ve got to give your ex plenty of time and space to heal.  It is absolutely vital that you don’t push him or her to try to resolve the situation.  Another fact; they’re just not ready to do that yet.  This is the time to avoid playing head games too, because that will most likely increase your ex’s feelings that you’re untrustworthy.  And don’t date anyone else either.  That’s not proving your loyalty.  It’s proving the opposite.  As a friend of mine once said to another friend in this situation, “Shut up.  Zip up.  And be humble.”

Focus your energy on being a good friend to your ex.  What you want, or more importantly need to do right now is to do the things that made him or her fall in love with you in the first place.  If he or she still has strong feelings then being a good and sensitive friend can help them to start paving over the after effects of the infidelity.

On the other hand, there are reasons besides infidelity that might cause a person to dump their partner.  One such example of this is boredom.  If this is the case and you want to win your love back, you’re going to need to spice things up.  Look back to when you first started dating and see how when your ex was first attracted to you, you weren’t exactly complacent about dating them.  Remember how you planned dates carefully, dressed up for any events and brought him or her little gifts every now and then.  Face the truth, as the relationship developed, you got sloppy about it.

If you really do think that the reason you need to win your love back is because you let things get boring then you need to try to spice it up.  If you meet up again “just as friends” then you need to do something different.  Same is good.  Same is safe.  Same is boring.  Try something different.  Different is exciting.  Meet at a cocktail lounge instead of your local bar or video game arcade.  Try going out for Mongolian or tapas instead of burgers and fries.  Try a play based on a book she likes.  Try doing anything interesting instead of just sitting around the house playing with your collectibles, watching football or the X Factor the whole time.

If your ex is bored with you then you might want to try becoming more interesting as a person as well.  Take a course and learn a new skill, or seek out a local special interest group in your community.  If you can honestly handle it without any medical prohibitions, you may even be tempted to take up a sport, or even an extreme sport.  Let your imagination run wild and see where it takes you (as long as you don’t take any risks unnecessarily).  The point is that you need to show your ex just how much fun you can be.

Okay.  Now this final reason that I’m about to discuss about why your ex may have broken up with you may or may not apply to you, and if it does, I’m going to give you fair warning that this is probably going to hurt.  The reason he or she broke up with you may be because you were just “too into” your ex.  You constantly called, texted, emailed them, you wanted to be with them every spare moment both of you had.  Every time they turned around there you were.  Guess what?  You were smothering them and they felt like they had no room to breathe.  Well, they may still like you.  Hell, they may even still love you.  The problem is that they weren’t able to find any room to be themselves in the relationship and felt like they were asphyxiating.

If this is the case and is what happened to you, then you really do need to give your ex some space.  The absolute worst thing you can do is to sms them constantly throughout the day, bombard them with emails and call them distraught at 4 am demanding to know why they dumped you and begging them to take you back.  As much as you might feel like doing just that, before you do, I’ve got two words for you.  Restraining Order.  Get it?  I hope so.  You don’t win love back by harassment or stalking.  You win love back by backing off.  If you do happen to bump into your ex, remember to be casual.  If you’re needy that just sets off alarm bells for them.

There are, of course, many other reasons why your ex may have broken off with you.  You just may not have been a good fit for each other.  If that’s the case, you need to let each other move on.  The breakup is a favour to both of you.  This is by no means a comprehensive list of reasons for a relationship breakup.  If you use the time after the breakup productively to analyse the reasons for it, and if they’re one of the above three reasons, then there’s a good chance you can use the space to win your love back by making the necessary changes.

But you won’t win your love back by stubbornly sticking to your old habits.  If what you’re doing isn’t working for you, then try something else.  I’ve lost count of the number of people I personally know who just won’t learn that lesson.  But just know that getting back together is a possibility if you’re prepared to make the right changes.  You can win you love back.  Good luck.

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    G'day everyone.  I'm an Aussie Life Coach, Clinical Hypnotist (www.americanallianceofhypnotists.org)  and author with a passion for making every relationship in our lives the best it can be.   I work at local, state, national and international levels.  I am also a Callahan Techniques Thought Field Therapy practitioner trained by Eugene Piccinotti TFT - dx, and I studied Neuro Linguistic Programming Master Practitioner Level (MNLP) under Steve G Jones at the American University of Neuro-Linguistic Programming
    (http://www.aunlp.org).  In other words, as a coach, I'll use whatever I have to use to help you to make the changes you want to make.