A short exchange between the missus and I this morning got me thinking and brought up something from last week.  After I'd finished my workout this morning, one only a couple of full workouts I've done for the last few weeks because of a sciatica flare-up, I was lying there on the bed thinking how it hadn't been too bad getting some exercise while I was waiting for the bathroom to become free so I could have a shower (we have a small bathroom that really only has enough room for one person at a time).

When she's come out of the bathroom and asked me how I was faring, I said, "It's not the most unpleasant thing I've done over the last few weeks."

She replied with, "Meaning?"  A contraction of, "And what exactly do you mean by that?"

To which I responded with, "It's not the most unpleasant thing I've done over the last few weeks."

As I got off the bed and went into the bathroom for my shower, it took me back to last week when I got the opportunity to listen to an interview between Aussie success coach Pat Mesiti and another fellow Aussie, Allan Pease, the number one body language expert in the world.  Allan and his wife Barbara are the authors of The Definitive Book of Body Language and Why Men Don't Listen & Women Can't Read Maps.  Both books are classics in their fields.

The main topic of the interview between Pat and Allan was the different ways men and women communicate, or more specifically, the differences in the ways they communicate and the differences in the ways you need to communicate to each other.  This is a subject that has fascinated me as a dedicated amateur and a professional helper for years.

The challenge is that every time I find the answer to one question, I generally find 10 or 20 new questions, but I've also managed over the years to build up a substantial store of knowledge and be smart, or lucky enough to be able to distill what I know down into something that's not only workable but fairly simple.

While a basic working knowledge of human brain structure is an advantage, it is by far not an absolute necessity.  You can almost literally break it down to the different communication styles between men and women.  Or, if you like, it comes down to how each gender views the purpose of communication.

Communication for women is as essential as oxygen.  Women talk to convey information, explore and express emotions, share experiences and bond.

Men take a slightly different view of communication.  Men talk to convey information.  When it comes to expressing emotions it often doesn't go much further than saying, "I'm hungry/thirsty/sad/angry/horny/tired."  Part of the reason for this difficulty that men have is because they only have one speach centre in the brain, where women have at least four (which explains the frustration I've heard from some men over why even a stroke can't shut their wives up - a left brain stroke will severely hamper all future verbal communication in a man).

I always find it amusing when a woman complains, "Why can't men just say what they mean?"  This is because women are so used to having a multi-layered socio-emotive style of communicating.

The irony is that a man is meaning exactly what he says (unless he's a con-artist - but that's outside the perview of this site).  When you ask a man what's wrong and he says, 'Nothing," that's exactly what he means.  So when you take it further with, "Are you okay?"  and he says, "I'm fine," then that's what he means.

Now if you reverse the role and it's a woman who's responding to those exact same questions with "Nothing," and "I'm fine," then any male who's got more than ten minutes experience of interpersonal relationships with women knows he's in deep crap.  If he doesn't, then to quote Mr T "I pity da foo."

Again, women are (at least from an evolutionary perspective) more used to communicating in a multi-layered socio-emotive style of talking.

Men convey information.

The good news for women is that you can find plenty of men who communicate exactly like you do.  The bad news for you is that they're likely to be gay and that the extent of your relationship with them won't move past friendship.

Don't you just love what neuroscience can teach us?



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    G'day everyone.  I'm an Aussie Life Coach, Clinical Hypnotist (www.americanallianceofhypnotists.org)  and author with a passion for making every relationship in our lives the best it can be.   I work at local, state, national and international levels.  I am also a Callahan Techniques Thought Field Therapy practitioner trained by Eugene Piccinotti TFT - dx, and I studied Neuro Linguistic Programming Master Practitioner Level (MNLP) under Steve G Jones at the American University of Neuro-Linguistic Programming
    (http://www.aunlp.org).  In other words, as a coach, I'll use whatever I have to use to help you to make the changes you want to make.