I was doing a maintenance cruise around Facebook last night when I came across a post by a good friend of mine.  Now when I say good friend, this is someone that I know and am fairly close to offline.  Aside from all the awesome people I've met and connected with on Facebook, some of the people I've met there I met the old fashioned way.

This is a young woman who's just been through a breakup.  It's not the first breakup I've seen her go through, but this one seems to have had the hardest impact on her in the time I've known her, and I've known her for quite some time.  I think I can confidently say this for one reason.  It was the post she left on Facebook last night.

In her post she asked if her friends could hit her up with a dose of the confidence that she used to have.  While there were several well meaning replies, there were none that seemed to give an accurate reply.  The correct answer is, in a word, no.

Let's be entirely accurate about self-confidence here.  Of course outside factors will affect your self-confidence levels, and that's only because we're all guilty of letting that happen.  It's only after a lot of training and reinforcement that we're able to prevent that happening, but once in a while an event finds a chink in our armour and our self-confidence takes a hit.  Then there's the problem of being completely unable to predict what that event will be because it is entirely different for each one of us.  It could be, like in my friend's case, a breakup, or the death of a loved one, or jobloss, or any one of a number of things.  Plus you'll find it usually isn't one specific event, but the culmination of several smaller events over the course of days, weeks or months that lead up to the erosion and collapse of your self-confidence.

Then there are so many "teachers", "experts" and "gurus", not to mention "coaches" that come in all fired up and tell you that the problem is that in order to build your confidence in yourself you need to build some success in your life.  Well, let me tell you something about that bunch of so-called experts, or coaches or whatever they're calling themselves.  They're full of it.  They don't know what they're talking about, they've never known what they're talking about and it's unlikely they ever will.

The reason I'm saying that is because there's just one little fact they're all ignoring.  Confidence doesn't come from the outside.  Not real confidence at any rate.  Confidence that comes from the outside is false confidence.  It's false because it reinforces the belief that you're not good enough and that's exactly how these creeps make their money.

No.  A real coach will tell you the truth, even if you don't want to hear it.  And that truth is that everything you need, or at least most of it , is already inside you.  All the tools for confidence that you need are already there, you just haven't been educated about how to access them.  A real coach takes you inside yourself to a place where you can find that feeling of excellence and then anchors that feeling for you.  This can be done in a variety of ways.  Probably the two most effective would be with hypnosis or NLP.  Those techniques are used to access the subconscious and reprogram it quickly and efficiently.

But the point is that only when you realize that your self-confidence comes from within, that you are entirely responsible for establishing it, and maintaining it, will you sta



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    G'day everyone.  I'm an Aussie Life Coach, Clinical Hypnotist (www.americanallianceofhypnotists.org)  and author with a passion for making every relationship in our lives the best it can be.   I work at local, state, national and international levels.  I am also a Callahan Techniques Thought Field Therapy practitioner trained by Eugene Piccinotti TFT - dx, and I studied Neuro Linguistic Programming Master Practitioner Level (MNLP) under Steve G Jones at the American University of Neuro-Linguistic Programming
    (http://www.aunlp.org).  In other words, as a coach, I'll use whatever I have to use to help you to make the changes you want to make.