I regularly see the toll a lack of self-confidence takes on people and the achievement of their goals.  While many bemoan that it’s not fair, and while there is some merit to that statement, the problem is that fairness seems to be a construct of human consciousness and not a set construct of nature.  The problem actually has little or nothing to do with fairness at all.  Instead it really has more to do with a lack of confidence in the “self” to take the requisite action to get the job done and achieve the goal.

The reason why people tend to lack confidence is because they tend to view their lives as being full of failure when in fact the reverse is true.  Every person I have ever met has had a life that was overflowing with success.  The only failures I consistently see are either a failure to try before they start or a failure to see the success that people have in their own lives.  That reminds me of the story about Thomas Edison.  Depending on which version of the story is being told, Edison was asked what it was like to have failed so many times in creating the light bulb/battery/phonograph.  His reply was, “I never failed once.  I just successfully found 1000 ways it didn’t work.”

How’s that for confidence?

This is because Edison was one of the first people in the 20th Century to recognize the truth of the statement, “There is no such thing as failure, there is only feedback.”  In other words, he recognized the fact that as long as you make the effort and refuse to give up there was no possible way that he, as a person, could fail.  The invention might fail, but whatever the outcome, he was a success.

The issue I come across so often is people will say, “I’ll be confident when I have this.”  Or “I’ll be confident when I’ve done that.”

The problem is that what they don’t realise when they say, or even think that is that they mistakenly believe that confidence is created by success.  The truth of the matter is actually much different.  Success is actually created by confidence.  Confidence can be fed by success, it can even be bolstered and enlarged by success, but it can not be created by success.  This is because confidence can only genuinely come from within yourself because that’s where you feel it.  You don’t feel it in your house, or your car, or in the shop around the corner.  You feel it inside yourself.

The other problem people create for themselves when dealing with confidence is that they tend to place too high a requirement on themselves for creating their own confidence.  Again, this is because people tend to wrongly rely on external sources for their own esteem and confidence.  Your “self” is awesome!  Be confident in that fact.

And if you feel like you need a quick boost to your self-confidence, do this.  It’s something that’s recommended by success experts the world over.

Sit or stand quietly and close your eyes.  Breathe steadily, as deeply as is comfortable for you.  Now, remember a time when you did something really well and it was successful.  Remember what it felt like.  Remember the sights and the sounds of it.  Remember how people said to you how great you were and how you felt about that.  Was there a celebration meal or drink?  How did it taste?  How did it smell?  Remember how good you felt?  Remember how you felt invincible?

Now, when you open your eyes, take those feelings into the situation you need the confidence for.  And take those feelings into the rest of your day, and week.  And whenever you need to give your confidence a quick top up, just do that. Good luck.

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    G'day everyone.  I'm an Aussie Life Coach, Clinical Hypnotist (www.americanallianceofhypnotists.org)  and author with a passion for making every relationship in our lives the best it can be.   I work at local, state, national and international levels.  I am also a Callahan Techniques Thought Field Therapy practitioner trained by Eugene Piccinotti TFT - dx, and I studied Neuro Linguistic Programming Master Practitioner Level (MNLP) under Steve G Jones at the American University of Neuro-Linguistic Programming
    (http://www.aunlp.org).  In other words, as a coach, I'll use whatever I have to use to help you to make the changes you want to make.